Don't worry, nothing really happened in two months

The only notable thing is that I started therapy with my sister and I took some weekly horse-riding lessons, but I quit those after they started telling me to "kick the horse to go if they're not responding" or "yank the reins if they don't want to stop/turn." I'm just gonna find a better place to learn Western riding if I can.

But hey folks, I got spirit updates!

So I'm gonna start doing  some basic spells of "write my goals down on paper, burn them, and put  the ashes in my houseplants" every week or so, to see if that helps get  me out of my rut.

Spirit-wise, I've been contacted by the Green  Man and he looks/acts like Henry Cavill's Geralt of Rivia, of all  people. Very sexy until he starts throwing up vines, or turning into a  tree-man-thing.

Weirdly enough for an Ent-like nature-spirit, the Green Man Does Not Like  how Haik and the other spirits "treat me like a wild creature" and let  me roam around having meltdowns and only half-knowing what I'm doing  with spirit-work, because he seems to have thought they'd be a LITTLE  more stringent on... advancing my spirit-work abilities, or even just  helping me out more in the regular world.

He is very emphatic that he is neither "wild" or "human," but a mix of both.

The other spirits have a complicated relationship with him. He does have some  good points like how their well-intended "keep everything nice and  slow" is a little TOO slow for me, but he also has accidental "no mixing  the elements/races" undertones. He's just so INSISTENT that Haik (a  sea/water-god) and I (the most land-lubber person ever) don't make a  good match because we barely understand each other, and I should find a  land-spirit to work with instead. Uh... that's not always how  relationships work.

2021 — Quarantine updates!

Not too much to talk about--I'm just listening to My Chemical Romance, playing various games, and trying to keep a workout schedule. Thinking about entering another open mic on their zoom meeting, but I'd have to sort through my poems for that.

I also learned to scream-sing properly so I can sing MCR songs without blowing my voice, but I have like three other projects to finish before covering a song. Lmao



Uhhh. Wow. My last update was in January. So that art-store job I got?

I don't have it anymore, thanks to the pandemic/quarantine. They let me and the other part-time workers go after about two weeks. Cowards.

Being introverted, it's taken me about half a year to finally get stir-crazy, so I'm getting back into exercising.

Unemployment is easily giving me twice as much money as my actual job, though setting it up was a bitch. And I also had to cancel my health insurance for draining half my minimum-wage paycheck. (They lied when they said it was the cheapest, so now I'm hunting around for a better one.)

Still trying to finish my various half-finished works. One novel draft is down, two major projects to go, about five million other projects I need to start picking out of a hat or something.

I also got asked to let some students read my poetry for a school! So that's great, I just need to tweak the poem and send it to the teacher by next week.

However, not very motivated to finish my OTHER works when a) people STILL aren't bothering to read them or at least boost my work on social-media to show support, or b) one of them is a play and I obviously won't be able to meet people in large groups for a while yet.

I just want to make a living off my writing. Why the fuck is it so hard for 90% of my circles to support me?

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Updates for 2020!

Dang, I keep forgetting about this blog after everyone ditched LJ. Here are some updates for anyone who's still on here!

So good news: I work at an art-supply store now (basically retail, but EVERYONE KNOWS that this is just a day-job).

I also started a ko-fi page (link is here) and my first goal is to update my Dropbox plan. My introduction post talks about "The Crocodile God," one of those projects I kept complaining about not finishing. The draft is almost finished and I almost have enough audience feedback to get it seen by an editor and cleaned up, but I'm strongly considering moving to a different platform since both my current self-publishing platforms are considered "incompetent" at best and "scams" at worst. But there have been SOME success stories, so I'll just keep an eye on things for now.

If you want to leave feedback on "The Crocodile God" and get me one step closer to editing, donate $3 or the local equivalent to my financial goals, or both, feel free to do so!

BIG changes, bruh

So I've been taking a practical magic class starting last week, asking the Universe to help me FINISH ALL MY GODDAMN NEAR-FINISHED PROJECTS ALREADY, and making a lot of discoveries about myself in the Otherworld.

This is largely copied from my Facebook post in the group:

Today I got fired from my job at my three-month review. There's been a variety of reasons on both ends that I'm honestly not surprised--we have three to four cooks in the kitchen when this is a small cafe, but we don't need that many cooks the WHOLE DAY and everyone's constantly hunting for stuff to do. I'm guessing I'm a sacrifice because I do a decent job, but I forget the eight million details of working in a kitchen.

See, this is because in my interview, I said I like to BAKE and that was supposedly a big plus, but they mentioned they needed prep cooks more than bakers and I have rarely if ever done any baking as consequence.

Btw, the baking shifts went to ANOTHER NEW PERSON, so I'm like "waiiiiiiiit you said you didn't need any bakers???"

Cooking itself isn't rocket science (especially not with easy meals in a cafe), but work-wise, if you hire a baker who's used to very steady and time-consuming tasks for the complete opposite job of "run around and do five people's orders at once" prep-cook world, nobody's gonna win.

I mean, the job was nowhere near the WORST I've had (that would be my prior one), and it was a good work environment, but I remember this one time the manager said to me, "Huh, sometimes your judgement needs a little work" and now I'm thinking "Y'ALL HIRED A BAKER AS A PREP COOK, YOU BETTER NOT BE SURPRISED I'M NOT STELLAR AT IT."

I can't help wondering if this is connected to the first non-mundane dream I've had in a while: Details are fuzzy, but I remember LOCUSTS ARE EATING THE CROPS, HOLY SHIT. But then we caught a bunch of them in baskets to cook and eat them. I was pretty balky until my friends went "COME ON, JUST ONE BITE." The taste was mostly [insert-dream-taste] decent, but I realllllly liked the crunch. I've been hearing the cooked-locust crunch all day and it's like "FUCK, I NEED SOME CHIPS."

Then in my morning meditation, me and a deity went to a sea-cave and ran into the very unexpected Grasshopper. She got stuck after high-tide since the cave was too wet for her to comfortably fly out, so she needed someone to carry her up to the entrance, and she went "YAY, THANK YOUUUUU" after I got her out. Right now she just flies around sharing my food, but definitely not in the "LOCUST MAD!!! LOCUST SMASH!!! AND THEN LOCUST EAT!!!" way (she is staying very small and green), so I'm guessing she's got good news.

I just feel this weird urge to laugh my ass off and I don't quite know why.


Good Updates

So I made a poem for another Filipino friend's wedding in the first week of August. It's this fantastical, precolonial Tagalog poem about Haik the sea-god marrying a mortal woman using actual precolonial wedding traditions. I initially told her I wanted $20 per page so the two-page final poem would have been $40, but she decided to give me $60 instead. <3

And about two weeks afterward as we tried to deal with our dumbass inter-bank transfer that got rejected for LOL NO REASON, she just transferred my $60 payment through Facebook in two minutes.


Now to finish my gigantic Asian-American superhero play that's been taking forever because I had a goddamn job to deal with over the year, lol.


Mixed news

The eye-doctor found some minor tearing in my left eye's retina again.

Good news: Nothing too major going on.

Bad news: I have a minor blind spot in my left eye, which I didn't notice for years because a) I still have TWO eyes, and b) I can turn my head.

50/50 news: Minor surgery is recommended while my blind spot is still minor. Not a pressing issue (I have time to sort out my insurance and get the heebie-jeebies out from "DON'T PUT FOREIGN OBJECTS NEAR MY EYES"), but if something DOES happen in my forties or fifties because we just left my eyes alone for ten years, any complications then would be a LOT harder to fix than it would be to just prevent them right now. The doc literally warned me that this happens with a lot of people and just because it's not an EMERGENCY doesn't mean it's necessarily GOOD, either.

Sigh. Wondering if one of the one-eyed gods are telling me something. Mayari or Odin, please pipe up and tell me what's happening.


Welp, mercury retrograde isn't playing games

Yesterday was the most epic miscommunication of all miscommunications, as my Tumblr post denotes. Thanks to Facebook Messenger being a piece of shit, I accidentally messaged Dave Kuresa of Te Vaka instead of the publishing company I meant to pitch my novella "The Crocodile God" to.


Edit: My interactions with the ACTUAL publisher aren't exactly relieving. See my updates on it from ten minutes ago in THIS link.


Severely overdue updates

Oh snap, I haven't updated in months.

This was due to the bakery job causing me a fuckton of back-pain from unloading giant freezer pallets several times a week, and then getting transferred to the front end as a stocker/bagger when I kept having to take off work due to said back-pain. So much better, but apparently their practices have also been really shady since my sister went, "Where were the other bakery people? Were they just watching you unload the giant freezer pallets and not doing anything?" And when I went, "Oh, they usually weren't there since we're understaffed. I've been working alone 90% of the time."

She then went "yeah, no--that's illegal. You need two people to work on receiving loads, and you won't have time to do any other jobs that day. My job isn't even union and we make sure two people are working on loads."

PLOT TWIST, I'M NOT THE FIRST PERSON THIS HAPPENED TO. I mentioned to one of the cashiers that I used to work in the bakery, and he basically sighed and went "yep, I don't know why the store managers just let them keep running through people in a month or two."

So yeah, I like my new department and coworkers, but my enthusiasm at working day-jobs is... nonexistent, now. I don't hate it, but I just don't CARE about it anymore.

The Tagalog gods are definitely making their presences known because you know how Haik the Tagalog sea-god has about one sentence about him online? I wanted SOME kind of story about him, and so I started writing "The Crocodile God" to fill the spiritual/cultural hole in my chest.

Then I started posting it on Facebook as well as HitRECord, hoping that people would read it and go "HOLY SHIT PRE-COLONIAL FILIPINO MYTHOLOGY IS AWESOME AND BADASS AND SO CLOSELY LINKED TO POLYNESIA," and I could finally start earning money by doing something I loved.

See, precolonial Filipinos have a HEAVY tattooing and seafaring tradition, which is damn close to Polynesian culture, but nobody really knows about it because five hundred years ago, the Spanish came, slaughtered the natives en masse for being pagan, and handily converted the rest of them since they went "sure bro, we totally believe in your capital-G god, please don't kill us." Even the Filipinos who know about it don't actually consider it important, thanks to colonization.

Right now there's only about five people reading "The Crocodile God," but I also entered it in the Book Pipeline writing contest. Grand prize is ten thousand dollars plus a shot at publication and converting it to a movie/TV series, while semi-finalists "only" get a shot at publication. I reallyreallyreally want that 10k grand prize and movie deal, not only because MONEY, but because it will finally prove to other people that I'm not crazy or stupid for wanting to a career in art.

Haik has also been extremely invested in me, thanks to how I'm writing him a shiny new story. In fact, when I mentioned in a meditation that I was worried about getting precolonial Tagalog culture wrong, he just laughed and went "This isn't a research paper. This is an urban-fantasy about a Fil-American woman meeting her people's sea-god, finding out she used to be his wife, and also finding out that he's an undocumented immigrant."

Rather notably, his appearance has done a 180 turnaround--before I wrote "The Crocodile God," he looked like a more heavily-tattooed Jason Momoa. After I started writing it, he switched to the appearance I gave him in the books: Dark-skinned with crocodile tattoos and an Australian accent. (Read the lj-cut portion for spiritual stuff.)

So in late September, I went to a friend's picnic at the beach, and I found a piece of sea-glass that looked like a shark tooth. It is now one of my favorite necklaces. In mid-November, Odin kindly reminded me that I still have a mysterious joy-rune "seed" that has been lying in my spirit-space and refusing to do anything. One of my online friends mentioned that I might need to "transfer" the seed to a physical object by charging it up with the spirit-seed's energy.

Two days later, I found a damn SEA-TURTLE pendant lost in the grocery store's parking lot. I'm coming down with a cough right now, but I've been carrying the Smoll Voyager around for weeks and I feel like I should paint the joy-rune "wen" on it, as a nice combination of Norse seafaring and Pacific wayfinding. Seriously, Ocean, the only way you could make this more like Moana is if I find a damn conch shell in North California.

(Btw I also have a habit of speaking to the Ocean lately. Partly because I was already animistic, and I KNOW MOANA IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE SHUT UP.)

This part is copy/pasted from TV Tropes:

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Officially not unemployed

Technically I started working at the grocery last week, but I was working part-time and tomorrow, I get to start working full-time.

Working at a grocery store's bakery is awesome. I haven't even started baking yet, I just package all the stuff that the others bake and I get to breathe in the fresh-bread smell.

I have literally started making a list of all the things I want to buy while I save up money to move out.

Mostly it's books, helping Mom pay my part of the credit/phone/car bills, and yarn for crochet. Lol, basic things.